In photo above, the Francois family shown in William Land Park in Sacramento.
Tony and Suzanne Francois of Presentation Parish in Sacramento, parents of eight children ranging in age from 7 to 24, are convinced that teaching their children proactively about God’s special gift of human sexuality places teenagers on the correct path to make informed decisions in their lives.
“We live in a culture where our children are assaulted from every side – the music they listen to, the movies they see, their social media,” says Suzanne, who is a registered nurse with a specialty in labor and delivery, and is currently a stay-at-home mom who homeschools her younger children.
“Teens get a lot of information about their bodies, their values and their sexuality from these influences. It’s so important for parents to reach them when they are young, to help them understand that how God made them, including their sexuality, is beautiful and that living out their sexuality according to God’s plan leads to happiness. It’s on my heart for girls to understand that they are made for real love, and that our culture all around them is trying to sell them cheap substitutes.”
Suzanne and four of her daughters have participated in the Mother-Daughter program offered by the Diocese of Sacramento’s Office of Family and Faith Formation. The half-day program is presented on a number of Saturdays each year in English and Spanish for tweens, ages 10 to 12, and for teens, ages 13 to 16. The program explores God’s gift of human fertility and the beauty and wonder of God’s plan for growing up and becoming a woman, as well as how to face the challenges of today’s culture with courage, integrity and joy.
The Father-Son program (also a half-day program offered on two Saturdays in English and Spanish) also explores God’s gift of human sexuality and fertility, and the goodness of his plan for growing up and becoming a man. It is designed for fathers and their 12 to 15-year-old sons. The two programs cover similar subject matter, while differing in emphasis and scope. All presentations are pure, light-hearted and affirming. The cost to attend either program is $20 per family.
Suzanne has been involved in the Mother-Daughter program as a speaker since it began in the diocese in 2011, and participated with her daughters Catherine, now 23, Maureen, now 21, Claire, now 16 and Elizabeth, 14. Maureen has spoken at some of the program sessions and Claire has led the prayer at some sessions.
Suzanne details how the program can enhance the mother-daughter relationship and help form teenage girls during a crucial time in their lives.
“When we live our sexuality in accordance with God’s plan for it, that’s what makes young women happy,” she notes. “Every time we wander from that plan into various things the world sells us, it usually brings unhappy consequences, whether it is diseases, heartbreaks, broken homes or families, crisis pregnancies or abortions. If girls start out with a vision of God’s plan and that it’s beautiful and worth holding out for, we can save them from a lot of heartaches that many adults have had to go through.”
Suzanne notes that mother-daughter conversations should take place first and foremost within the family setting. The Mother-Daughter program enhances those conversations with discussions and slideshows, as well as provides moms with resources and an informal support network.
“When we present information in our talks, we encourage the girls to always go to their moms first if they have any questions. We also equip the moms with recommended written and electronic resources and they can come to the presenters with questions, either in the formal question and answer during the program or in private following the event.”
Conversations about human sexuality and fertility “touch on the very sacred, what makes us who we are,” Suzanne says. In the sessions, “the girls are around other girls their age and with their mothers in a joyful setting, and opening up the conversation. It’s not a one-time talk; it’s part of the ongoing conversation.”
Tony, who is a senior attorney with the Pacific Legal Foundation in Sacramento, attended the Father-Son program with son Daniel, now 18, and has also been a presenter. He says the look and feel of the program for fathers and sons is different than for mothers and daughters.
“We recognize it’s a crucial opening up to teen boys as they are beginning to go through the maturation process,” he notes. “We discuss what it means not just to mature biologically, but what it means to be an adult man, and we do this in a community of men. Dads develop friendships with other dads they can rely on to model and teach the same things, and the boys develop friendships with their peers, which helps them face down the negative peer pressure the world can give them.”
One of the blessings he’s received is “the relationships that develop with other men as we move forward, trying to raise our sons and help them find the path to mature Christian manhood,” Tony adds. “We support each other and know when parenting is difficult -- as it inevitably is sometimes -- that we are not alone in this.”
As boys talk with each other, “they get more comfortable with the idea that they are going through a pretty typical human experience and they will get through to the other side and it will be fine,” he says. “No matter what educational environment boys are in, they can get a lot of messages these days that undermine the Christian view of human sexuality.”
Tony adds that sessions are fun and uplifting. “There’s a lot of heat and not a lot of light on this subject in our culture today. One of the false messages that boys hear is that the Christian understanding of sexuality is this dark, restrictive and unhappy thing. It’s good for boys to see this is not true, that real Christian sexual maturity is freedom – freedom to be yourself, to be the virtuous man that God made you to be. There’s happiness and joy in that.”
Suzanne sees the Mother-Daughter and Father-Son programs promoting the spirit of Saint John Paul II’s 1994 “Letter to Families,” where he wrote that “the future of humanity passes by way of the family.”
“These programs are a wonderful tool for us as parents to pass on the beauty of how God made us,” Suzanne says. “I hope more parents will attend because they can make a big difference in teen’s lives and in our families, to keep that openness of communication and to help us guide our children.”
Like Suzanne and Tony, Silvia Figueroa, a member of Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish in Sacramento for the past 10 years, and her husband, Mario, both see the benefits of the Mother/Daughter and Father/Son programs. They have five children: (Silvia) Fernanda, 16, Sofia, 15, Lucia, 12, Pablo, 7, and Mariana, 3.
Silvia participated over the past five years with Fernanda and Sofia, and in the “tweens” program with Lucia in March. She first attended the program out of curiosity, then returned a second time because she wanted to be able to educate her daughters about the physical changes they would be experiencing. “Many times we would not know how to begin speaking about sexuality,” she says. The program “helped my daughters and me so much in building trust and speaking about topics that might have been difficult to discuss. There are times now where they will ask questions and about topics and we are able to learn together.”
She observes many challenges facing teens today. “Technology, the culture in society, and the influence of friends are just a few that try to pull our children to do the opposite of what they should be doing,” Silvia notes. “However, the biggest challenge is for parents, because we need to take them down the righteous path and sometimes that is not easy because they can be influenced by the mainstream.”
She recommends the programs as a way parents can become closer to their teens and not shy about speaking to them about human sexuality or any other topics. She advises other parents: “Gift yourself with the time to have this experience with your children. Time flies and when we least expect it, they will be grown up and we may miss the opportunity in this stage of life, that is my eyes is one of the most beautiful!”
LEARN MORE
About specific dates and details of the Mother-Daughter program at www.scd.org/motherdaughter.
About specific dates and details of the Father-Son program at www.scd.org/fatherson.